Child Discipline - Correcting Bad Behavior

It is amazing how wrong I have been in the past when it came to disciplining my children. I assumed that telling my child what he or she was doing wrong - was enough, when in reality I was only setting there attention on the bad behavior.

Consider the following passage from Romans

8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God [did:] sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and [as an offering] for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able [to do so]; 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.

A child can be told not to do something in several different ways. But if you add the above verses into the equation the process has to be altered.

Traditionally we are taught:

Tell the child about what they did wrong, (to set their minds on the behavior)

then

Explain why the behavior is bad.

In doing so we are helping the child to set there minds on the things of the flesh, and in reality our minds also.

Note again verse 5 "For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. " So we should avoid setting our minds or the minds of our child on the things of the flesh, in other words we are not to get the child or ourselves focused on what the fleshly activity which needs to be discontinued. Instead we are to set our minds and the child’s mind on the things of the spirit.

God always focuses us on the results of our actions; he describes the improper behavior in terms of the unpleasant outcome, or in other words, the consequence of our disobedience, then he refocuses us on the correct behavior.

Note the following verses.

Genesis 2:17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die."
God identified the behavior but did not engage in a lengthy discussion of the evil itself, just identified it, then He gave Adam the consequences of his disobedience.

Ephesians 5:11 and do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;
Again, God identifies the behavior with the consequences identified (unfruitful), and then points us to the proper activity (expose them).

The Lord always uses examples of bad behavior to point us to the solutions, towards the light with words that show us the right way and the consequences of not going the right way.

So when you discipline your child, identify the inappropriate behavior, do not dwell on it to the point where it becomes the focus of the child’s attention. Once the behavior is identified, let the child know the consequences of his or her actions, (and of course always follow through). The very next thing a child needs to hear is what action or behavior is acceptable, and pointed to the correct behavior.

If your child runs into the street, get them out of the street, tell them they are not to go into the street, tell them they might get hit by a car and hurt badly, and them show them the place where they can play safely and tell them they can play there without getting hurt.

This is a simple but often misunderstood process. But very important if you are to keep from focusing your child on the very thing you do not want them doing. See High-Octane-Living for more information on parenting and marriage and family.